bad luck today. i couldn't muster the motivation to take the bus upstate, or even leave the house for most of the day. i did plink around on the mandolin a bit, though. it's starting to get fun and frustrating as i experiment with little riffs and chord variations. there are pages and pages of song lyrics in my notebook that i would like to put to music.
so i finally decided to leave the house and went downtown to go to meeting for worship with an odd feeling in my stomach. when i arrived i was the only one there. the reason i like tuesday meeting so much is the thickness of the silence, but with just me there it was a bit too silent. i went for a walk down to the atlantic ave shopping center instead and looked at shoes, thinking about belonging and not belonging, wondering why i feel so shy and nervous. thomas lent me a book about a threesome that move to hawaii. he led me to expect the book to be about the threesome, but really it's about being an outsider in hawaii.
got back in the subway to go see akie and kyle play, and it turned out akie was in the hospital with his tonsils.
no meditation, no music.