mark sent me a tsuba, the disc that serves as the hilt on a japanese sword. it's decorated with three rabbits that chase one another's tails. one side of the disc shows their bellies and the other side their backs. i tied it with a string and hung it from my bedframe. they look a little cramped in their circle, almost like crawling cats. it has a nice weight to it.
since working at ps1 i've developed this irrational fear that i'm growing stupider. i don't understand or learn things as easily as i used to, and they say your brain is pretty well shaped out by the time you're twenty-five, so i'm stuck with the person i've become. of more use than becoming stupider would be to become simpler. my capacity for complicating the simple unfortunately has not diminished.
when will i want what's good for me?
when will i stop dreaming and start living?