the transformation, by juliana spahr

reaffirmed my polyamory and gave my doubts comfort. we suffer doubts, we make mistakes. there's no conclusion; we try to work through our messes. as work grows more intolerable and difficult i'm learning to float above the stress. get the job done, and let the niceties go. support the people around you and look out for your own sanity. i stayed late because i had no where to be and certain individuals seemed to think i had time for more projects. after, i went into the courtyard and bummed a smoke from gaston, more overworked and cheerful than i. i lay on my back on the dance floor and spread out my arms. blue blue sky, drifting clouds, the red walls of a building i love surrounding me on three sides. a perfect summer evening. when i come home drunk on the subway i feel tall and stretchy. feist coos to me and i try to look more fierce than vulnerable. there were thoughts i wanted to write down and no pen in my bag. now it's time for sleep. in the morning i take another crack at it.