lying in bed, my new lovely bed against the back wall now abuts j and s's room so i can hear more clearly the disputes sparked by my careless words. i want to go out into the living room but i don't want my ex and his sunny girl to see my misery. i feel like ron mueck's giant wild man in his chair, surveying all the tiny people wrapped up in personal dramas. i feel massive and awkward when i most want to slip unobserved into dream currents where i can live out and forget my insecurities.